“I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can … The live ones put up too much of a fight. Discover and share Funny Court Quotes. LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? Enjoy Life Quotes. Judicial Spanking #2. LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? Our collection of witty funny pictures of funny saying which are short words, easy to remember but still hilarious phrases. Dan Piraro's "Bizarro" is an eccentric and bizarre look at everyday life through the cartoonist's eyes. The funny quotes here are allegedly real true funny extracts from courtrooms. • The defendant acted knowingly and intentionally. Next, check out the 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything. • The Court is prepared to proceed to sentencing. He appeared to be doing reasonably well until the shop's owner took the stand to give his evidence. LAWYER: What was he wearing under the mask? LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure? LAWYER: Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence? Repeat or copy these quotes out … - Albert Schweitzer. WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 1991) 1. See more ideas about humor, lawyer jokes, lawyer humor. Which just make the unexpected moments of levity all the more hilarious. LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated? May you find great value in these inspirational Court Quotes from my large datebase of inspiring quotes and sayings. The best funny statements for any situation! LAWYER: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? Related topics: Values. LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated? Find the perfect handmade gift, vintage & on-trend clothes, unique jewelry, and more… lots more. Funny Quotes About Lawsuits & Lawyers ... "Litigation is the basic legal right which guarantees every corporation its decade in court." Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice. When it comes to humor, everyone is his or her own judge. WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male. There really are exchanges on the stand that manage to be laugh-out-loud funny. Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?" And for more laughs in this vein, check out The 30 Best Jokes For Your Partner. WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. What school did you go to? Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. They've taken your Bible away from the schools. Despite the seriousness of a courtroom and everything that happens in it, this place also produces hilarious (unintentional) comedy. “As heirs to a legacy more than two centuries old, it is understandable why present-day Americans … These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Fare thee well, VCRs, fax machines, and pagers. Life is supposed to be an erratic wave function, which the wise people have interpreted as a phenomenon with a lot of “ups and downs”, and funny and witty sayings do help in the place where life dips a … WITNESS: Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words. If you decide that something is funny, it is for you. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? With so much humor in the world, we’ve collected some hilarious life quotes from a wide range of funny quotes. View the comic strip for Free Range by cartoonist Bill Whitehead created February 05, 2013 available on GoComics.com. Sometimes we have to see the funny side of life in order to keep going. Court Quotes Inspirational Quotes about Court. Court Quotes. 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At, The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State, 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious, 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today, 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything, America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. These funny divorce quotes will free your brain from the strain, and let you laugh about your half of the split-o-rama drama. They've forbidden little children to pray. WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Page 6 of 6 • That was your sworn testimony. Funny Tennis Sayings and Quotes. Suitable for birthdays, work anniversaries, Court Reporter gift basket, graduates, retirement gifts, funny pun or just sitting in a pub with friends. They've taken the knowledge of God … LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to sign up for our FREE daily newsletter! Do, or do not. I … If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment. Thank you for your patience. The stock phrases and legal terminology likely to be used in any trial scene. LAWYER: Could you see him from where you were standing? See more ideas about humor, legal humor, lawyer jokes. Anyone can go on a vacation. First in line is a compilation of inspirational and funny quotes from movies. Here are 20 things that were actually said in a court of law, which are all the more uproarious because it's the last place anyone would expect to crack a smile. Funny moments in the court room enjoy!! There's nothing funny about being in a courtroom. • The Court finds that there is a factual basis for the plea. End of story. This is an awesome gag gift for your Court Reporter friends ,coworkers or boss too. LAWYER: And Mr.… LAWYER: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? …, TOONPOOL Cartoons - COURTROOM FOLLIES by Toonstalk, tagged judge, court, guilty, trial, cross, examination, justice - Category Media & Culture - rated 3.63 / 5.00. It has been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting. The Supreme Court has insulted you over and over again, Lord. (In the US). Things People Said: Courtroom Quotations. How do we know this? “Ten years of shadows, but no longer. He suggested a big change in how we dole out shots. Lee Iacocca "There are more lawyers in just Washington, D.C. than in all of Japan. Your life is a work in progress. WITNESS: Thank you. Witty, dumb, provocative, bloodthirsty or peaceful sayings, smart remarks as inspiration or just for fun. • The counsel is mischaracterizing the witness’s testimony. A: No, sir, I didn’t. the American 'Lectric Law Library, from whom some of the above are reproduced with permission. Everyone loves a funny sign, and sometimes humor is found in places you'd least expect it. "All rise!" Today, many courts will only do this twice a day—once when the judge gets on the bench … LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? A completely subjective look at whatever comic strip made me laugh, made me think or stopped me with its artistry.